My best friend is dating a walking red flag

Dear Hint Circle,

My best friend has been dating this guy for eight months. They do everything couples do , "AS IN EVERYTHING" but he refuses to call her his girlfriend.

She is always anxious to the point where she checks his location constantly and cries when he does not reply fast enough. I have told her many times that he is wasting her time, but she says I do not understand their connection.

I know this is none of my business, but it has been going on for eight months like I said. Last week she found out he still has dating apps on his phone and he reached out to ladies there. He said he keeps them "just for fun" and she believed him.

I love my friend but watching her beg for the bare minimum a relationship should offer is exhausting. Do I stage an intervention or mind my business?

— Abidemi

Dear Abidemi,

Let me hold your hand when I say this. Your friend is not in a situationship. She is in a delusionship. Eight months with all the gummies for crying out loud and he still cannot call her his girlfriend? That is not confusion. That one is a choice. He is getting everything he wants without giving her the one thing she is begging for, commitment. But excuse me. Why would he buy the cow when he is getting the milk for free? And yes, I said it.

She has found all these clues, and she is still making excuses for him. My dear, this man has shown her who he is multiple times, but she keeps squinting, hoping he will turn into someone else. It’s not gonna happen.

Now to your question. Should you intervene or mind your business? You intervene, but not the way you think. Do not attack him. Do not give her an ultimatum either. That will only push her closer to him because she will finally believe you do not understand.

Instead, sit her down and ask her one question. "If your future daughter’s boyfriend treated her this way, would you tell her to stay?" Let her sit with that. Then step back. She has to want better for herself. You cannot want it more than she does.

One more thing. Protect your own peace. Be there for her when it crashes, because it will crash. But do not let her 3am crying sessions about this man disrupt your own healing. You can support her without drowning with her.

“Choose peace, even when it’s hard.” — Khadijah